Use your words . . . NO NOT LIKE THAT!

Ladies, let’s talk fashion. Have you ever bought a boyfriend cardigan?

Wants to break up with her boyfriend, but can't fathom life without the cardigan

Wants to break up with her boyfriend, but can’t fathom life without the cardigan

What about boyfriend jeans?

We all did strange things back when we were Scientologists. Is her fly open?

We all did strange things back when we were Scientologists. Is her fly open?

What is your understanding of the “boyfriend” descriptor when it comes to women’s clothes? Mine is that it’s applied to an item that looks like you could have borrowed it from your boyfriend. Which is why I was confused when I came across this on Gilt:

I don't need to spend $200 on a boyfriend romper. My boyfriend died in a romping accident and left me all his rompers.

The Boyfriend Romper. Here’s a closer look:

Someone could use a praline-colored bra to wear under her praline boyfriend romper

Now, I don’t know much about relationships, but I can tell you this much: if your boyfriend wears a romper, then a serious talk is in order. Your boyfriend is either gay or a baby. The former is fine as long as everyone’s on the same page. If I had a gay boyfriend, then maybe someone would have gone with me to see this:

But nooooooooooo, my not-gay husband just CAN'T BE BOTHERED with flying to Vegas to see a washed-up teen idol desperately cling to fame by clumsily dancing in a tacky male strip show.

But nooooooooooo, my not-gay husband just CAN’T BE BOTHERED with flying to Vegas to see a washed-up teen idol desperately cling to fame by clumsily dancing in a tacky male strip show.

Dating a baby, however, is typically frowned upon. We adult women spent a lot of time and energy avoiding relationships with men who are emotionally babies. The last thing any of us needs is a boyfriend who is an actual baby.

So what does “boyfriend” mean in the context of the Boyfriend Romper? Nothing. It means nothing. It means that some junior product developer at Haute Hippie doesn’t understand that different words have different meanings, so she just throws them around at random. She’s also responsible for next season’s Sleeveless Hat and a Reversible Cowl-Neck Kimono that’s actually a pair of mismatched rain boots. I guess we shouldn’t be surprised that a fashion house with a name like “Haute Hippie” is treating the English language with the same disdain that Paula Deen treats salad (and black people!).

What happens now that the Boyfriend Romper has successfully gutted the meaning the word boyfriend? Obviously we live in a world where boyfriend can mean whatever you want it to mean!

“Argh, I can’t find my pink boyfriend wedge sandals.”
“They’re right there where you left them, under the boyfriend table.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“Sure, here you go.” [pulls out lighter and lights your cigarette]

“How’s your boyfriend?”
“Not great. He got myxomatosis and I had to have him put down. He was a rabbit.”

“What are you doing with my boyfriend?!”
“Avoiding identity theft by shredding my old credit card bills, since your boyfriend is literally this paper shredder.”

“Have you heard the hit Justin Bieber song ‘Boyfriend’?”
“Is that the one about the time he ran over a family of endangered baby sea turtles with his Ferrari and then had his bodyguard swat the ice cream cone out of a disabled toddler’s hand?”
“Yes.”

This is the future we face if people don’t stop treating words like the toppings bar at Pinkberry. It literally makes my head explode to think about it.

2 responses to “Use your words . . . NO NOT LIKE THAT!

  1. HAHAHA THIS IS SUCH A FUNNY POST! I love your sense of humour, it actually reminds me of mine. For the boyfriend romper situation, I couldn’t agree more. What kind of washed-up, crap store decided that they could label anything with the word “boyfriend?” The captions for your pictures are brilliant-so so so so so so so so so funny (too many so’s?). You’re so witty, and I love it. Also, if you don’t mind, I’d love it if you’d take a peek at my blog!

  2. This boyfriendly boyfriends me of my boyfriend!

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